Analysis by
Tariq Ahmad Tariq
Rafiabad Adbi Markaz
Tariq Ahmad Tariq
Rafiabad Adbi Markaz
In the first place the poem appears to have been written to suit the children's tastes. The poet has done no ground work, has not found any striking idea worth spreading, but has straight away started making the thread of seemingly rhyming words.
Yes, he has succeeded in doing so. The begining appears good. A symbolic treatment has been preffered at the outset, but the poet has got exposed very soon.
Starting the story from the apple tree. Where in, the bee flies and finds pleasant places, covered with wonders on either side.
Here in, keeping the perspective of bee at the back burner, the thread seems to be losing essence. The grammar has also been not taken due care of . "Enter "should have been "entered".
I found little children dive, they share love like close relations. This is totally some different idea that defeats the first one.
Then the succeeding lines
Yes, he has succeeded in doing so. The begining appears good. A symbolic treatment has been preffered at the outset, but the poet has got exposed very soon.
Starting the story from the apple tree. Where in, the bee flies and finds pleasant places, covered with wonders on either side.
Here in, keeping the perspective of bee at the back burner, the thread seems to be losing essence. The grammar has also been not taken due care of . "Enter "should have been "entered".
I found little children dive, they share love like close relations. This is totally some different idea that defeats the first one.
Then the succeeding lines
Down in the grass............... height is found.
This couplet, if for the supposition's sake it is, has again no coherence and cohesion with the initially crafted idea.
This couplet, if for the supposition's sake it is, has again no coherence and cohesion with the initially crafted idea.
Dream being long
Could not not be compared to some beautiful song.
Could not not be compared to some beautiful song.
I wish to contrbute my every day with kids of play,
makes no sense.
makes no sense.
Contribute towards the kids at play could have been logically correct. Ideas are like fighters, this phrase does also paralyse the logic.
The poem seems to be a square peg pushed into a round hole. The poet needs to learn the basics of the english poetry form, the style, the organic unity etc to groom himself into a good poet.
Hope the poet will emerge with vigor and vitality in his second attempt.
Tariq Ahmad Tariq
The poem seems to be a square peg pushed into a round hole. The poet needs to learn the basics of the english poetry form, the style, the organic unity etc to groom himself into a good poet.
Hope the poet will emerge with vigor and vitality in his second attempt.
Tariq Ahmad Tariq
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| Tariq Ahad Tariq |
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